I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
