Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
