All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
