Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
