Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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