Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
