You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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