I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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