if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
