There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
