Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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