Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Life is so much better after having sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
