i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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