When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
