I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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