An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The air was thick with penises
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
