finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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