fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
