never play flip cup with pint glasses
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
