I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
