smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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