They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
