I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Two words: blizzard sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
