You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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