Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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