So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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