dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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