All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
