So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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