Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My life is pants optional.
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