trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
