so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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