Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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