you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
