told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
