I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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