on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
