Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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