So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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