Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
