There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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