theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
