drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
