He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
