Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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