So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
