I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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