does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
