You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
