Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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