I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
