First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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