Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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