1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need to calm my uterus...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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