Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
