yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
