I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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