I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In other news, I just burned my penis
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
