Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
