good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
