I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
