we have officially lost it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
