I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
