He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
