Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
