why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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