I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
