I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
