I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
