I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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