so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
