She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we're so committed to being not committed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
