i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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